Day 6 – Denrele

Wake up late (almost 10). Have to be in North London for 12 for a Christmas crafts day/saturday lunch with friends.

Am now very aware that I am yet to pack and a sort of low level panic has set in. I really hate packing. I really hate moving and yet this seems to be the only thing I’ve been doing this year. I have moved 3 times this year already and I still can’t get the hang of it.

I’m too distracted to even remember to do my morning pages and abandoning my usual routine at weekends doesn’t help. Instead I’m straight to faffing on the computer. Then I head towards North London. It’s a cold day but sunny. I left the bike at work last night so I’m taking public transport.

Crafts and lunch go well but I’m a bit distracted and jittery. Nothing feels right today and I cannot settle. Head back to South London around 5.30, stop along the way to pick up the bike from work and am back home before 7.

I start pulling things together and packing them away. I realise I have no empty boxes but I decide I’ll just chuck things in bin bags instead. I don’t care. I just want to clear the room.

I am such a hoarder. No matter how empty handed I am when I enter a space I always leave feeling that I have filled the space with junk. This is no different. I don’t understand why I am constantly surrounding myself with junk. I don’t even like clutter and I’m forever admiring those people who keep a clear desk and somehow manage to be tidy and organised. I decide that once I’ve moved into the new space, I will be better at keeping it clear. But I always say that. Sigh.

Pack some more then take a break to watch Spooks on the iplayer.

Feel really sleepy. Switch off computer and get to bed. It’s 12.30. I’ve not done any writing today. No meditation.